Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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