it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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