not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
