we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize