god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
