You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize