Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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