I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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