I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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