I hate all girls vehemently.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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