4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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