We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
