What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
