I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Small penises have feelings too.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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