Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize