so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize