he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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