We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
