We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
