i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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