Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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