Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
