you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
