you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
