Non-Jews are for practice
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
