What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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