She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
