The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
