Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
