The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
