Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize