Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
