Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
