i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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