allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
