I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
