o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
