I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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