I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
