One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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