did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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