He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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