i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
