I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
