I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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