Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
