Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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