The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
