He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
