Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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