I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think I died a long time ago.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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