just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
