You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
