tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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