idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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