I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sext me about skeletons
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
