he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
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