they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
