at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
