I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
