perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
