It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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