I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
