Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
