Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize