There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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