There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
