Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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