So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you win again, gameday.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
