it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
