She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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