oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
