this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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