I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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