Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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